I subscribe to a lot of blogs and I actually read what I subscribe to. Like many of you, I have found them to be a source of strength through tough times. One day, just a couple of days ago actually, I was scrolling through my reader and found a few pictures of baby bumps. Interesting, I thought, that there were so many posted on the same day. I scrolled a bit further and found some pee stick photos. Yep, all posted within 24 hours of the baby bumps. Even more interesting I thought. Right below those were posts that had links to ultrasound photos. Same time frame.
That was the day I almost quit blogging.
Yes, I have positive feelings about your good news, but at the same time seeing a visual representation of it brings back all my feelings of despair. It’s funny. People say that silence speaks a thousand words. I guess they underestimated the power of a photo.
I’ve more or less been an infertile for the last 2+ years and have experienced the lowest of lows that come with that. Not just feelings of inadequacy or frustration–sheer blown despair and devastation. I know you have experienced these emotions, too. How do I know what you have experienced, you ask? Am I psychic? No. I read your posts.
Among what I have read in the past, one thing I remember clearly: many (but, not all) of you said that it caused you a lot of discomfort seeing ultrasound and baby bump photos in your reader. Some of you even implied that when you became pregnant, you would never post such a thing.
But, you have.
To be perfectly clear, this post is not directed at one single individual nor am I trying to come across as angry and accusing though I am afraid I am doing just that. I just want to ask this: Is it ok to post these types of photos in your reader, even if you know how it feels to be on the receiving end of them? If the answer is yes, what makes it ok?
I think I know the answer to the second question. When you suffer for so long and a miracle finally happens, you simply want to share the news. You’re beaming, bursting with joy and relief. The news is 100% share-worthy, at least according to me. Pictures of your body through it’s various stages of pregnancy? Not as much so. I cannot articulate why this brings so much grief, just that it does.
I also think people post these photos to reassure themselves. They need to see evidence that everything is going ok. They need to see that what they are experiencing is real. Let’s face it. In the land of IF, nothing is ever certain. Clinging to whatever reassures you, seems to be acceptable.
But still. . .
What about to those of us still left in the trenches? We are happy for your happiness, but we are still left in a place of suffering. That same place of suffering that many of you once inhabited.
If I could say anything to newly pregnant bloggers it would be this: Don’t ignore us and don’t leave us behind. Be considerate of us because you have walked our road and know what it feels like. Think about it. Just for a minute. We are still here and we are still standing and yes, we are still reading your blogs. Your circumstances have changed favorably while we are still waiting for ours. Want to tell us you are pregnant? Go ahead. Want to share what happened at your latest doctor appointment? I’ll listen. Can’t wait to share your ultrasound, baby bump, and pee sticks? Go ahead, but please put them in another folder on your blog where they don’t show up in your reader’s feed. If I’m given a choice whether or not to look at it, I may just surprise you and do so.
And, yes, I do speak from my own experiences and not anyone else’s. There is a good chance that maybe I’m just too sensitive and should be over all of this by now. Maybe I automatically make the egotistical mistake that other people feel the same way I do. Besides, people are going to do what they are going to do. I can’t change it, but maybe I can persuade them to look at things from another perspective.
I do know this, though. I don’t want to cut myself off from others by unsubscribing to a blog because someone makes me uncomfortable. What kind of supporter would that make me? A fair-weathered one, I suppose. I guess, at the end of the day, like all days, I”m looking for a bit of understanding. Aren’t we all?