What makes God decide who gets a baby?

Have you ever browsed through your Facebook feeds from your “friends”” and stumbled across something like this?:  “Five years ago today, God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. . .(blah, blah, blah)”.  Normally, I roll my eyes at these posts and hit the hide story/ person button, but these posts really got me to thinking recently (not that I don’t normally have thoughts or anything).  

Naturally, when I read posts like these, I feel like this smug fertile is bragging, rubbing it in my face (even though she has no idea of my situation).  What hurts a hundred times worse than the boasting though, is that she puts God into the equation.  She doesn’t say, but implies: God must love me.  After all, he has given me this child.  

Being an infertile (which by definition itself skews my logic and wreaks havoc with my emotions) I can’t help but wonder: Does this mean God does not love me?  Wouldn’t he surely bless me in the same way if he loved me as well?

The sometimes logical part of me knows that God does love me.  Those Facebook updates, the ones that attribute God with fertility, man, they hurt the worst though, but I am digressing here.  

So, how does God choose those who are to be mothers?  Do you have to be a once-a-week or more church goer?  Do you simply have to be a “good person?” Does the gift of motherhood go to those who never gave their fertility a second thought?  Is motherhood something you have to earn by suffering through other things in life?  Does everyone have dues in life to pay and some get infertility?

I think all of us have asked ourselves these questions hundreds of times.  Our deepest fear is that this whole selection process is simply arbitrary–there is no rhyme or reason to it.  We look for causes as to why things happen and when we can’t find a reason we are frightened. 

For me, I refuse to believe that things are just the mere results of chance. I have to believe that there is a reason for everything.  It keeps me going.  I just hope that I am one of those chosen ones, who gets to hold a baby in her arms.  It is not a desire nor is it a want.  It is a need; a biological one that cannot be explained with words.  Since God takes care of all our needs, I have to believe that he will take care of this one as well.


2 responses to this post.

  1. I actually just kinda wrote on that yestersay… It is not that God doesn’t love you or that you did something wrong that you are “being punished” by not having children. I’m a Christian andn don’t want to get preachy on you, but the way I see trials is that it is somehow supposed to bring good to someone, even if it’s not you, and I don’t mean that “your pitiful life exists so they can feel better about themselves” or anything like that. (I don’t think your life is pitiful!) But maybe this is an invitation to pray, to come to God instead of run away, or maybe your heart is being prepared for the next step, whatever that is. Even as a Christian, I still struggle with this and don’t know what the right answer is. But through my own experiences, I can promise you it’s not about how often you are going to church or what you did in the past. I hope that helped and didn’t confuse you more!


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