5 Facebook Statuses You’ll Probably Never Post But Should

All is quiet on the Facebook front.  I am frightened.

No dropping of the P-bomb, no in-your-face ultrasounds, and no little pictures of developing fetuses via the Baby Gaga app.

Maybe I’ve hidden all the holier-than-thou fertiles.  Maybe they are busy making other babies.  Maybe they have decided to do the world a favor and have themselves sterilized.

No, I am frightened because I know what this means.  It’s going to start raining soon.  Pouring more like it.  I will soon be avalanched by a mountain of pregnancy announcement statuses.  Yes, I can hide them and delete them, but why should I go stand in a corner?  I am a firm believer that the best offense is a good defense.  If fertiles are free to boast about their baby-making abilities and their superior mommy skills why can’t I brag about my infertility?  Here are a few pre-made status updates to counter the dreaded Facebook pregnancy announcement:

Status #1 (Everybody loves to take a trip down memory lane):

“On this day one year ago, my RE blessed me with the gift of unexplained infertility.  My heart beams with pride as I realize only one in eight women receive this honor.  I now have the privilege to re-evaluate all my goals I’ve ever had in my life.  I look forward to what the coming year may bring for us.”

 

Status #2 (Who says ultrasound pictures have to contain babies?)

“My ovarian cyst has now grown to 2 cm.  This is about the size of a small grape and has more than doubled in size since last month.  As the cyst grows, more cancelled IUI sessions are sure to follow.”

 

 

Status # 3 (When you feel left out of the whole announcement thing. . .)

“It’s been a long day at the doctor’s office.  After a year and a half of medications, shots, ultrasounds, and other medical interventions, my husband and I just have to announce. . . No, we’re still not pregnant.”

 

Status #4 (When you want to get a little laugh out of your friends. . .)

“Took little Abby to get her boosters today.  Mommy’s brave little girl!  Then, Kyle got sick and puked all over my Manolo Blahnik’s.  I hope soon baby to be #3 is just like them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .JK!!  I can’t have babies.  I’m infertile, remember?”

 

 

Status #5 (And. . .my personal fave to all you smug fertiles out there.)

“Like” my status for a big ‘ole F * * * You!

That about sums it up!

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25 responses to this post.

  1. Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    Reply

  2. Love it! If I ever do get a BFP, I’m seriously considering one of 2 options: either not announcing it on Facebook AT ALL, or posting something like, “After almost a year of patient anticipation, I’m happy to announce it’s finally our turn.” …Boo-yah! Do you feel bad NOW for all those million times you asked me when I was gonna have kids?

    I love the idea of posting your u/s of your cyst! Bam! in-your-face, bee-otches!

    OK I’m gonna stop smack-talking now!

    Reply

  3. That might just be the most amazing thing I have ever read! Seriously 🙂

    Reply

  4. How I would love to post status #1 ….. I never ever talk on FB about my status *unexplained infertility* not everybody knows so posting that would give alot of people in my life some answers …..

    Reply

  5. DYING…too funny!

    Reply

  6. Posted by Carly on January 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    ::stands and cheers:: if only we were brave enough to actually post these! LOL

    Reply

  7. Posted by chon on January 10, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    These are great. I can relate to all of them. and sorry you just had an announcement. I made mine, made sure it included that I had 6 IVF transfers and that will be the last pregnancy related post until I have the baby.

    The unexplained IF was the best one and I can totally relate. We are a special, unique bunch!

    Reply

  8. Posted by nothingifnotoptimistic on January 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    I have such a love hate relationships with facebook. There are still a quite a few preggo ladies on my wall who like to complain about their very accidental pregnancies that are going just fine…. the baby kicks when I try to sleep, I’m so big I’m uncomfortable, the morning sickness is awful….
    so a few days after finding out my first cycle with drugs didn’t work, I posted this::

    First cycle is a no go. Will be trying again in a few weeks, with a double dose of Clomid. So bring on the hot flashes, the devil woman mood swings, the dizziness, and just for fun, the falling out of my hair. I would give anything to “struggle” through a perfectly fine pregnancy, instead of struggling through this.

    Reply

  9. That was great! The number of times I have typed a status or comment but then deleted it because I thought I was being to ‘in your face’ or bringing a negative feel to FB is countless. eg. my 18 yr old cousin complaining about not being able to go out because she has to look after her baby – I had to just sign out of FB before I really offended someone. But I like your status ideas – inspiring 🙂

    Reply

  10. […] 5 Facebook Statuses You’ll Never Post But You Should […]

    Reply

  11. LOVE these! I’ve so been tempted to post my cyst ultrasound a couple times.

    Reply

  12. Visiting from ICLW, love the ovarian cyst status update! God knows I had enough of those trans-V ultrasounds to last a life time!

    Reply

  13. Posted by jill on January 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Love status update #2! Visiting from ICLW. Nice to visit your blog.

    Reply

  14. Oh my god, this post is awesome. I really love the ultrasound posting idea. Maybe after I have my next one that should show my f-ed up uterus in more detail, I can post it!! Squeeee!!!!

    Reply

  15. Posted by tan on April 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    I actually “unfriended” someone who kept updating with pregnancy updates! With others, I just click “hide updates” so I don’t have to see!

    Reply

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