5 Facebook Statuses You’ll Probably Never Post But Should

All is quiet on the Facebook front.  I am frightened.

No dropping of the P-bomb, no in-your-face ultrasounds, and no little pictures of developing fetuses via the Baby Gaga app.

Maybe I’ve hidden all the holier-than-thou fertiles.  Maybe they are busy making other babies.  Maybe they have decided to do the world a favor and have themselves sterilized.

No, I am frightened because I know what this means.  It’s going to start raining soon.  Pouring more like it.  I will soon be avalanched by a mountain of pregnancy announcement statuses.  Yes, I can hide them and delete them, but why should I go stand in a corner?  I am a firm believer that the best offense is a good defense.  If fertiles are free to boast about their baby-making abilities and their superior mommy skills why can’t I brag about my infertility?  Here are a few pre-made status updates to counter the dreaded Facebook pregnancy announcement:

Status #1 (Everybody loves to take a trip down memory lane):

“On this day one year ago, my RE blessed me with the gift of unexplained infertility.  My heart beams with pride as I realize only one in eight women receive this honor.  I now have the privilege to re-evaluate all my goals I’ve ever had in my life.  I look forward to what the coming year may bring for us.”


Status #2 (Who says ultrasound pictures have to contain babies?)

“My ovarian cyst has now grown to 2 cm.  This is about the size of a small grape and has more than doubled in size since last month.  As the cyst grows, more cancelled IUI sessions are sure to follow.”



Status # 3 (When you feel left out of the whole announcement thing. . .)

“It’s been a long day at the doctor’s office.  After a year and a half of medications, shots, ultrasounds, and other medical interventions, my husband and I just have to announce. . . No, we’re still not pregnant.”


Status #4 (When you want to get a little laugh out of your friends. . .)

“Took little Abby to get her boosters today.  Mommy’s brave little girl!  Then, Kyle got sick and puked all over my Manolo Blahnik’s.  I hope soon baby to be #3 is just like them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .JK!!  I can’t have babies.  I’m infertile, remember?”



Status #5 (And. . .my personal fave to all you smug fertiles out there.)

“Like” my status for a big ‘ole F * * * You!

That about sums it up!


25 responses to this post.

  1. Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!


  2. Love it! If I ever do get a BFP, I’m seriously considering one of 2 options: either not announcing it on Facebook AT ALL, or posting something like, “After almost a year of patient anticipation, I’m happy to announce it’s finally our turn.” …Boo-yah! Do you feel bad NOW for all those million times you asked me when I was gonna have kids?

    I love the idea of posting your u/s of your cyst! Bam! in-your-face, bee-otches!

    OK I’m gonna stop smack-talking now!


  3. That might just be the most amazing thing I have ever read! Seriously 🙂


  4. How I would love to post status #1 ….. I never ever talk on FB about my status *unexplained infertility* not everybody knows so posting that would give alot of people in my life some answers …..


  5. DYING…too funny!


  6. Posted by Carly on January 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    ::stands and cheers:: if only we were brave enough to actually post these! LOL


  7. Posted by chon on January 10, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    These are great. I can relate to all of them. and sorry you just had an announcement. I made mine, made sure it included that I had 6 IVF transfers and that will be the last pregnancy related post until I have the baby.

    The unexplained IF was the best one and I can totally relate. We are a special, unique bunch!


  8. Posted by nothingifnotoptimistic on January 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    I have such a love hate relationships with facebook. There are still a quite a few preggo ladies on my wall who like to complain about their very accidental pregnancies that are going just fine…. the baby kicks when I try to sleep, I’m so big I’m uncomfortable, the morning sickness is awful….
    so a few days after finding out my first cycle with drugs didn’t work, I posted this::

    First cycle is a no go. Will be trying again in a few weeks, with a double dose of Clomid. So bring on the hot flashes, the devil woman mood swings, the dizziness, and just for fun, the falling out of my hair. I would give anything to “struggle” through a perfectly fine pregnancy, instead of struggling through this.


  9. That was great! The number of times I have typed a status or comment but then deleted it because I thought I was being to ‘in your face’ or bringing a negative feel to FB is countless. eg. my 18 yr old cousin complaining about not being able to go out because she has to look after her baby – I had to just sign out of FB before I really offended someone. But I like your status ideas – inspiring 🙂


  10. […] 5 Facebook Statuses You’ll Never Post But You Should […]


  11. LOVE these! I’ve so been tempted to post my cyst ultrasound a couple times.


  12. Visiting from ICLW, love the ovarian cyst status update! God knows I had enough of those trans-V ultrasounds to last a life time!


  13. Posted by jill on January 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Love status update #2! Visiting from ICLW. Nice to visit your blog.


  14. Oh my god, this post is awesome. I really love the ultrasound posting idea. Maybe after I have my next one that should show my f-ed up uterus in more detail, I can post it!! Squeeee!!!!


  15. Posted by tan on April 23, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    I actually “unfriended” someone who kept updating with pregnancy updates! With others, I just click “hide updates” so I don’t have to see!


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