Baby Registry Items Run Amok

A post or two ago, I wrote about receiving an invitation to a baby shower in honor of a co-worker and his wife.  Well, the shower was today and no, of course, I did not go.  I actually had forgotten about it until another co-worker asked me if I would be attending as I was walking out to leave for the day.  I was grateful for the reminder though because I knew I’d have to run for my infertile life as I knew the co-worker and his very pregnant wife would be rounding the corner at a moment’s notice.  Lucky for me, I heard his big mouth down the hall and was able to make it out the door before I had to pretend to be happy for their ability to conceive effortlessly on their wedding night.

Anyway, baby showers remind me of some of the ridiculous baby items I’ve found on friends’ registries or stumbled over on the internet.  They range from the very impractical  to the ridiculously silly to the just plain wrong.  Let’s start with the useless:

1.    BabyGanics Foaming Dish Soap

For $6 bucks, you can rest assured that your tot’s sippy cups will not only be fragrance-free, but free of residue as well.  And get this–it’s NON-TOXIC.  Perfect!  So when my 5 ft. tall infant is washing his hands in the sink, he can swallow a globful of this without me having to call Poison Control!  Terrific!  BabyGanics’s superior ability to create something as innovative and original as non-toxic soap should be commended.

2. BabyGanics Lavender Scrub-A-Dub-Tile Cleaner

This safe, effective, “natural” tile cleaner will make baby’s tub sparkle (kinda like the toilet does before it’s pooped in).  And, wait for the best part– it’s lavender-scented!. . .  But natural. 

 Yeah, I got something else that works for the tub.  It’s called water and it’s free.

3. Babies R’ Us Wipe Warmer with Light

Why do people keep putting this on their lists?  Ok, I know wipes are cold and everything but will Child Care Services really pay me a visit if my child’s bottom is cold?   Did some guy really get paid for inventing this?   Guess what? I have an idea for my own patent.  Let’s call it, let’s see. . .wiping a warm wash rag over your baby’s butt  first, ya dumb-ass.  Don’t worry, I won’t charge you $26.99 for using it.

Now for the bizarre. . .

4. Zaky Infant Pillow

Besides mimicking the appearance of the Incredible Hulk (not to mention pedophiles), this hand pillow promises to imitate the touch and feel of your (unbeknownst to you), scaly icky skin.  Creepy, just creepy.

5. Baby Bangs

Who says your baby isn’t beautiful when she pops out from down under?  The maker of Baby Bangs, that’s who!  Guess it’s never too early to prime your princess for the world of plastic surgery, tanning beds, and bling-bling.

and finally. . .the just plain wrong

6. The Dream Genii Pregnancy and Nursing Pillow

It, uh, gives back support and “puts less strain” on you.  Yeah, I’d say so.  Wonder if it was the pillow that got her pregnant. Yep, she’s going to sleep well tonight!

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25 responses to this post.

  1. OK I know this sounds totally totally naff but for the last picture, OMG that pillow is fantastic. With my increased, well girth I know have to sleep with a pillow between my legs. It reduces sexy time but I can’t sleep any other way!

    It is definitely a buy before baby is born and don’t be a tight arse and get it yourself thing rather than lets pop it on the baby shower register!

    But the bangs? My god that is wrong on way too many levels. If I do that shoot me. Don’t ask questions, just do it.

    Reply

  2. Nothing like Baby Bangs to make a cute little baby look ugly and creepy.
    Oh, and why are they for baby girls only? Don’t baby boys deserve to be made ugly and creepy, too?
    Great post!

    Reply

  3. Fabulous post, you always put a smile on my face! When I see the baby wipe warmer on a registry list, it makes me want to take back my RSVP. Seriously. Thank heaven I learned to crochet – now I don’t *ever* have to go to the baby section of stores. Everybody gets handmade blankets, so ha!

    Reply

  4. Those things are creepy! Baby bangs? Really? And the hand pillow is just wrong on so many levels. I have heard good things about that pillow too but I guess I’ll just have to wait until I’m pregnant to confirm.
    Thanks for the smiles!

    Reply

  5. Okay the hand pillows and the bangs are seriously freaking me out. Babies are SUPPOSED to be bald!

    Reply

  6. Hillarious! I’ve also enjoyed walking through Babies R Us marvelling at the many completely useless, freaky, and puke-worthy items that grace those shelves (It’s a self preservation game I used to play on those glorious trips to buy baby shower gift #538+) Of course,that was before I realized that I could buy the stuff online, or not at all.
    I can’t live without my body pillow, but hand pillows and baby bangs sound like something someone came up with while PUI (parenting under the influence), which is scarier than the products. Almost.

    Love your blog so far (I’m new here)… well def be following your story! Hope to hear more from you soon!

    Kate

    Reply

  7. That hand pillow is just creepy! I love the humor you’re able to find in the situation. After obsessing over babies for too long, I’ve moved to the point of only thinking about eggs, sperm, and embryos. Babies seem so far away!

    Reply

  8. Oh dear, I just cracked up at work as they got funnier the further I read!! Ha ha ha!! Seriously, I crossed my legs the moment the pillow shot came into view.

    I plucked you from ICLW list, the humour word got me. Good to laugh at ourselves and situations.

    Tee
    intertilitee2.blogspot.com

    Reply

  9. Here from ICLW and oh my goodness are the baby bangs for real? Seriously? That is just creepy!

    Reply

  10. Hahaha! Visiting from ICLW as well and I agree… baby bangs?? Ewww! Creeped right out.

    Reply

  11. Hi,

    I’m finding you for the first time through ICLW. Hilarious post- weird what people will come up with in the name of making a few dollars out of would-be parents. Those glove things are downright bizarre.

    Best wishes,

    Casey

    Reply

  12. Hi from ICLW! Oh. My. God. I’m thinking the bangs belong under the “wrong” category, too. That is absolutely ridiculous. I shall, however, be searching for your patent on baby eyelashes in the future. Just sayin’.

    ICLW #35

    Reply

  13. Also visiting from ICLW, and this cracked me up! “Wonder if it was the pillow that got her pregnant.” HA!

    Reply

  14. What a great post. Thanks for bringing me the laughs! Only item that does seem to help people I know is the pillow, but the baby bangs and the glove what? Very funny

    Reply

  15. People are nuts. Soap, on a registry – really? What kind of “gift” (party admission fee) is that? Can’t the joyful expectant parents just buy their own soap?

    Reply

  16. […] all I could do was go to bed. Speaking of sleep,I desperately need to go purchase one of those pregnancy body pillows that I made fun of and blogged about a few years […]

    Reply

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