Celebrity Baby Names Run Amok

Jessica Simpson singing "God Bless Americ...

Jessica Simpson singing “God Bless America” to military families at the “Joining Forces with the Rockies: Celebrating Military Families” at Coors Field in Denver, on April 13, 2011. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s plastered all over the internet– Jessica Simpson has given birth to a son.  The baby’s name?  Maxwell Drew.  Oh, wait—it’s a girl!!!

Leave it to Jessica Simpson to need an instruction manual for naming a baby.  Oh, I’m sure she realizes she has a girl (at least I think she realizes it, but you never can tell) but I guess someone forgot to tell her that girl babies get girl names and boy babies get boy names.  Or at least gender neutral.

I am very surprised that such a girly-girl as Jessica would give her baby such a masculine name.   I mean, I know it’s a family name but couldn’t she have saved the name for, I don’t know, her future son?  Plus, this is the same chick whose major concern during pregnancy was whether her daughter would prefer athletic shoes over strappy heels!  Fertiles.  Gotta love ’em!

As misguided and confused as Jessica seems to be, she is not the worst offender when it comes to celebrity baby names.  Here are a few  bizarre and disturbing, unique names:

1. Pilot Inspektor, son of Jason Lee

According to Lee, who doesn’t seem to be hooked on phonics, Pilot is named after a song called, “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot.”  I guess Lee doesn’t have very high expectations for his son.   Somehow I see this kid making his dad’s life a living hell when he gets older.

2.  Fifi Trixibelle, daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

I don’t know, but I think I have a name for a new puppy!

3. Peaches Honeyblossom, another daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

Because nothing says love like being named after a fruit.

4. Mirabella Bunny, daughter of singer, Bryan Adams.

Cool first name, but kind of sets her up for a future gracing the cover of Penthouse magazine.

5. Bear Blu, child of Alicia Silverstone.

Interesting.  Wonder if her baby takes naps or merely hibernates?

6.  Audio Science, alien child  of Shannon Sossamon

WTF????!!!

7. Diva Thin Muffin, breakfast snack child of Frank Zappa

LOL.  Just LOL!

8. Tu Morrow, something of Rob Morrow

The sun’ll come out Tu Morrow, bet your bottom dollar that Tu Morrow, there’ll be sun. . .

9. Kyd Miller, kid of David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

It’s a safe bet that David and Tea won’t be scoring any points for creativity here.  Oh wait, they used the letter “y” in lieu of an “i”.  Brilliant, just brilliant.

10. Moxie Crimefighter, I-give-up of Penn Jillette

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s Moxie Crimefighter and he’s coming to a town near you!

Of course this is just a short list of crazy celebrity baby names!  Rest assured, though.  There are celebrities who actually name their child normally.  Case in point, Freddie Prinze, Jr., and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Charlotte Rose.

And there’s also. . . oh, wait there aren’t anymore.

But, why should we worry about these children?  These kids are set for life.  If they don’t like their name, they can always buy a new one.  Or maybe their childhood experiences of being bullied will be great fodder for a tell-all book blasting their parents for letting trendiness get in the way of common sense.

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8 responses to this post.

  1. You crack me up! But yeah, I totally thought it was a boy when I heard the name, and then heard that it was a girl and was like, “Whaaaa?”

    Reply

  2. …And what’s even creepier, didn’t Nick Lachey have a brother named Drew? “Yes, sweetie, you also have the same name as this guy who would have been your uncle if I decided against videotaping my first year of marriage and making it into a TV show!” LOL, sorry that’s the first thing I thought of!

    On a semi-serious note, reading this post makes all of the names in the Hunger Games make a little more sense….

    Reply

  3. Too funny! Geez though… like thes children won’t have enough problems already with their parents as celebrities? :/

    Reply

  4. Posted by Laura on May 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh this morning! XO

    Reply

  5. I quite like the name 😉
    but I have some more for you –
    In Australia we have Fifi Box- a radio/tv ‘personality’ – I laugh every time I hear her name.
    There was also a couple who named their twins Benson & Hedges or a young couple who named their daughter Chardonay Bicardi Breeze (all names of alcoholic beverages that I’m assuming they were drinking at the time of conception).

    Reply

  6. Hi! I’m here to let you know I gave you a blog award: http://eighteenyears.wordpress.com/2012/05/06/my-first-blog-award/

    Reply

  7. Hey, I wanted to show my appreciation for your bloggy awesomeness with an award 🙂 You can see instructions on my post “Wouldn’t it be lovely” – thanks!

    Reply

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