Why Fertility Friend & I Broke Up

Ovulation type medical thermometer

Ovulation type medical thermometer (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everybody’s got one–an account with Fertility Friend, that is!  You know the one–the website where you record your waking temperatures, ovulatory and post-ovulatory signs, strange symptoms, and everything else your body manages to do in a 24 hour period.  Oh, and if you want, every time you have sex.  All on a chart for your easy perusal.

Actually, my premium account (or whatever you call it) expired about two months ago.  I didn’t notice until a few weeks ago, because the truth is FF and I had been having a few relationship struggles for quite some time.   One year ago, when even then things seemed so much simpler, I would record my morning temperature, painstakingly analyze it (even if it was just 1 dot for CD1), and record anything my body might be doing.  Did I exercise that day?  Check!  Did I have a headache? Check!  What medicines did I take?  I better list them.  Did any good-time BD happen?  If so, how many times?  Was it in the morning, in the evening, or drum-roll please, both!?

Most of the time, as promised, Fertility Friend indicated ovulation.  When that happened, the scrutinizing of symptoms became more fierce.  I watched intensely as the little blue line rose up, up, up, dipping here and there, and up, up, up again.  Then, a dip.  Then another dip and then another.  Then, just like Fertility Friend said it would, my period would arrive later that day.

This went on for I-don’t-know-how many cycles.  I think I’m too embarrassed to count.  Still, I kept on because the stakes were so high,  but soon those nagging little doubts I had been having just got bigger.  What if getting up in the middle of the night to pee blew my chances of getting a good temperature?  What if my cervical mucus was really eggwhite (what is this anyway?) instead of sticky like I recorded it?  Why did my chart indicate ovulation when my CD21 blood test didn’t?

I could live with those things, sort of.  Then one day it finally hit me.  If Fertility Friend was so great, why hadn’t I gotten pregnant yet?   Like a bad relationship, I only scrutinized myself, or in this case, my symptoms, more and more.  I had to be doing something wrong, right? Lucky for me, I have learned what to do about bad relationships.

These days, I only use Fertility Friend to record the start of my period, even though I haven’t done that in about two months.  I accept FF for what it is:  it is a tool that only helps reproductively normal women to get pregnant, not women who are suffering from PCOS, endometriosis, or the most painful punch of all, unexplained fertility.  Reproductively normal (God, that sounds stupid, how about reproductively typical women) don’t even need FF.  They will get pregnant on their own.  FF merely reveals an ovulation pattern which might just speed up the process a bit.

I’m not here to slam FF or to tell others not to use it.  The thing I miss most about it are the discussion boards, except for those pesky fertiles who lamented about having trouble conceiving number 7.  It helped to know that there were others out there who were struggling as I was.  I’ve learned so much about this disease, that I should consider becoming an RE.

Since FF and I are no longer as close as we once were, I am so glad I have this blog and everyone out there in blogland supporting me.  You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. Great post, getting ff down to a “t” for me. It’s a love hate relationship for sure. Considering my recently failed cycle, I kind of want to join you and leave ff far behind.

    Reply

  2. I’ve never used FF, but it sounds like something that would just make me crazy. Thank goodness for blogging, or I would probably swing wildly between losing it at work (where I encounter nothing but fertiles all day every day) and refusing to get out of bed.

    Reply

  3. I hear ya, I’m about to break up with FF too. It just causes too much stress sometimes!

    Reply

  4. I was *all about* Fertility Friend and the bible: Taking Chart of Your Fertility for the first year of TTC. Now? Well, I’ve let that relationship fall to the way side. I might send a Christmas card if I remember… it seriously became increasingly useless and only fed into my addiction to obsessing over every possible “symptom”. It was an unhealthy relationship and you and I are both better off without it 😉

    Reply

  5. I too worry about night-time pees and am 100% confused about sticky, egg white, etc. I’ve been on ff for only about three months and it simply clarified that I know my body as it proved my own hypotheses about ovulation and period dates. Glad to see my worrying over needing to pee is not just mine!

    Reply

  6. Posted by paula on July 19, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I am having a deja vu. Looks like I wrote that article because I feel the exact same way.

    Reply

  7. Posted by Maria on December 1, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I use ff but I’m also getting infertility treatments also, To me it’s just a guide to see if my meds are working as they should! Without meds ff doesn’t help me at all!

    Reply

  8. Posted by Valerie on December 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Great post…I have not been diagnosed with infertility yet, but after 2 years of trying,I’m scared I’m headed that way. Thanks for sharing….I’m constantly aware of my body and reproductive challenge and charting… FF and I are currently experiencing a separation… I.m going to the doctor as I can afford it

    Reply

  9. Posted by Helene Lindholm on January 28, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    I live this! After having painstakingly adjusted temperatures for last year – I completed a degree – FF told me that I would have been better NOT to have adjusted them. ” could I change them back they asked me as it looked as if I may have ovulated earlier OR later than the chart shown”. FF NO, I cannot solens another minute on you. End of obsession times now. But, I wonder if you that have stopped FF: do you monitor your ovulation in another way or is mission completed? Thanks for great post!

    Reply

    • I don’t chart at all anymore. Waste of time!

      Reply

      • Posted by Helene Lindholm on January 29, 2013 at 10:49 pm

        I truly agree with you! After all, the entering and adjusting the data the other day was all worth it because I think it was faith to stumble across your blog when googling Fertility Friend and finding your blog. I love the way you way write and I do not feel as alone in my, looong, quest for conception. Thank you!

  10. Posted by almostreadyforbaby#1 on April 18, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    I am using ff for my 3rd month. This is my first month off birth control. Ff does make us crazy .. but at the same time i feel sane… ive learnt that u wont always get a good temp because i might wake up earlier or later … but to back it up i check cervical mucus. Which i googled and it explained with video what it needs to look and feel like
    then you have your symptoms and your test like OPK and so on…

    Im sorry ff hasnt helped u fall pregnant but it isnt GOD and only GOD can decide when that time is…. but i feel its merely there to assist you for when its time … to make sure u dont miss it… .

    i hope u have fallen pregnant since this post and if ylnot i hope God helps you have a baby soon

    Reply

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