Playlist Blah, Part 1

Oh, users of iTunes!  How you have let me down!  Where are all those user-created infertility playlists?  Guess, I’ll create my own.

Actually, I already have one created for myself except it’s called playlist “blah.”  Needless to say,  I’ve been listening to Playlist Blah the last couple of weeks.  Though only one song on Playlist Blah is specifically about infertility, I thought I would share the entire list because I can make any song about IF.  Except for the stuff from Radio Head.  I will leave that out.

Here we go:

1.  Fix You by Coldplay

Lyrics

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Coldplay singer Chris Martin wrote this for Gwenyth Paltrow after the death of her father.  I liked this song long before I knew I would have trouble conceiving.  I used to always believe that I could fix someone; I wanted to be that person that healed others.  Now, I just wish that someone could fix the brokeness in me.   Like the song says, I have lost something I can’t replace.  It’s not just the inability to conceive, it’s something I can’t put into words.  In actuality, I think I have lost a large part of what makes me, me.  I desperately long for the thing that will bring me back to myself.  Overall, it’s a beautiful song that talks about loss and the potential for living again.

2. Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Lyrics

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Like my father’s come to pass, seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars;
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.

As my memory rests,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars;
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.

As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Like my father’s come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up,
When September ends.
Wake me up,
When September ends.
Wake me up,
When September ends….

Another song about loss!  Billie Jo Armstrong is rumored to have written this after his father’s death, but many believe that it was written in response to September 11th.   However, the video is clearly about someone losing his life in Iraq.    For me, it is about wanting an end to my own type of September, which is IF.  When the song talks about an innocence that never lasts, I think back to the early years of my marriage.  Each and every day I just enjoyed my time with my husband: our laughs, our trips, our dreams.  I naively thought that conceiving a child would be something that was just happen when we were ready.  I miss those days.  Those days of pure innocence, of not knowing of the heartache that was ahead of me.

3. 21 Guns by Green Day (Do you see a pattern here?)

For this song, I refer you to this post written by a fellow blogger.  Absolutely incredible and featured on the 2011 Creme de La Creme list.  Technically, a song about war, but for those with this disease it is about knowing when to give up the fight.

4. Angels On the Moon by Thriving Ivory

Lyrics

Do you dream that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name
Do you care about all the little things
or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside
I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I’m alive
To know I’m alive

Don’t tell me if I’m dying
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
If I can’t see the sun, maybe I should go
Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday’s the first
Of the rest of your life?

Don’t tell me if I’m dying
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
If I can’t see the sun
Maybe I should go
Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon.

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother’s love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us
To all of us

Don’t tell me if I’m dying
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
If I can’t see the sun
Maybe I should go
Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts
About the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to
When no one’s left to take your side
But don’t tell me where the road ends
‘Cause I just don’t wanna know
No I don’t wanna know

Here we have a song, likely written in response to 911, about merely wanting to experience everything life has to offer, despite all the bad things in it.  Every time I hear it now though, I can’t help but think of all the women here in blogland who have lost a child, all of those angels that are simply gone too soon.  Please believe me when I say, your strength and grace are absolutely incredible.

5.  I Would Die For That by Kellie Coffey

Ok, technically this song is not on my playlist I listen to (ironically it is the only one specifically about IF) but I often think of it.  The video is intensely emotional and if you are in a bad place right now, you might now want to watch it.  I can barely watch it myself.  For others, you may find it validating.

Ok, that’s part 1.  In sum, I liken infertility with acts of war, death, and loss.  This can’t possibly be healthy, can it?  I will try to make Part 2 a little more upbeat.  What songs are on your IF playlist?

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17 responses to this post.

  1. Uuuuugh. I’m totally in tears right now. But thanks. I think I needed to cry. I’ll be lining this post when I big later today. And I’m definitely going to listen to these songs and make my own playlist. Thanks again!

    Reply

  2. Foo Fighters, “These Days”. Basically it could all end now, and I’d be pissed that I never got to become a mom. I hate that I feel that way, but I do.

    Reply

  3. Great list! Though, despite your warning, I watched the video and bawled my eyes out. But thank you for sharing!

    Reply

  4. […] didn’t realize why until the tears started flowing. The Stork Whisperer posted about an IF playlist she is working on and that led to heartache and tears. I’m grateful though because now I get […]

    Reply

  5. Jeremy Kay – Have it all….Im still semi optimistic it will happen!

    Reply

  6. Good songs! Listening to sad music when you’re sad totally helps me too. I have an iTunes mix I called “Mellow Mix” and some of those songs are totally on it.
    Some of my other faves:
    Bebo Norman, The Middle
    some old classics, Emotions and Landslide, no matter what version.
    Norah Jones, Long Day
    Some Dashboard Confessional when I’m angry too
    and so many others!

    I hope you get out of your “Blah” feeling soon! xo

    Reply

  7. Posted by Amelia on June 8, 2012 at 11:20 am

    “Blessed” by Elton John, I believe he actually wrote it for a friend struggling with IF. It’s one of those songs in which I never listened to the words, but then- WOW!

    Reply

  8. how about “Someday” by Rob Thomas? i added that to mine just now and thought of you. 🙂

    Reply

  9. I always play Hints by Jose Gonzalez after a failed ET. I just need to dwell in that horrible feeling for awhile to move on.

    When I want to cheer myself up, I resort to Hang On Little Tomato by Pink Martini. The lyrics are so supportive ❤

    Reply

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