What My RE Doesn’t Know

Tomorrow my husband and I go back to the RE for what I call our WTF appointment.  A WTF appointment is basically a consultation with my doctor regarding why my body won’t allow me to get pregnant, despite three IUI’s, rounds of oral and injected medications, and planned intercourse.  But I am kidding myself.  The RE can’t tell me why.  No one can.  I am in the unexplained infertility category, which means I have one giant hole in my life.

I honestly don’t know why we are even going.  I guess a week or so ago, like always, I felt the need for action–any type of action.  But, honestly, how will our conversation roll?  My guess is something like this:

Mr. RE: (walking through the door, flipping my chart):  Well, uh, I see here we’ve done a couple of IUI’s.  (Pause).  You’re, uh, what 34, 35?”

Me: I’m 36

Mr. REWell, hmmn. 

(Silence)

Husband: (insertion of some well-meaning quip to break the tension):

Me: (Silent, heart pounding, trying to be strong, but seconds away from tears)

Mr. Re: Well, uh we’ve tried a number of things here.  I mean, you know we start with the least expensive route before going to the most expensive.

Me: Oh, I know that.

Mr. Re: Well, I mean, uh, what do you want to do now?.

Don’t get me wrong.  I know my doctor is no fool.  I guess I should be thankful that he isn’t dashing my hopes and dreams, but I feel like he feels like there is no use getting to the root of whatever the problem is.  Yes, I realize that most testing does not affect what treatments are offered, but if I have endo or something, wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to remove it than to go ahead with more treatments?  Wouldn’t it be wise to find out why I don’t always ovulate on my own?  I know the ovulation problem is corrected with drugs but couldn’t the underlying cause of anovulation contribute to the infertility?  Has Mr. Re even considered this?

I think he thinks it is an egg quality problem; I say this because I read between the lines every time he uses the word “age.”  Of course, the only true test of egg quality is IVF.  The big guns.  The pricy guns.  The guns that offer the highest chance, but still no guarantee.

Then the still-hopeful part of me thinks that there is no way it could be egg quality.  Sometimes, I wonder if these IUI’s are so well-timed after all?  Case in point:  (Past history) I go to the RE on a Saturday morning and am told that my follicles are mature and “ready.”  I go home and take an OPK at 5PM.  If it is positive, I should trigger at that moment and have the IUI the next morning, Sunday.  If negative, trigger at 10PM, and have the IUI Monday morning.  Of course, I’ve always gotten the negative and gone in on the Monday.  To me, it seems like a bad idea to wait 36 hours to have an IUI versus waiting only 24.  Hello?  Don’t you ovulate 24-36 hours after a trigger shot or am I just on crack?  If I trigger at 10PM on a Saturday night and ovulate 24-36 hours later, am I not cutting it very close by having an IUI at 9:30AM on Monday morning?  What does Mr. RE think about this?

These are the things that go through my head.  I hope I’m not so nervous tomorrow that I forget to voice all of this.  I hope Nurse Stilletto doesn’t tap her pointy foot because it’s closing time soon (tried to get the morning appointment, but couldn’t).

At least, I will have my husband there and let me tell you, that makes a huge difference.  Bless his heart; I know he has the natural optimism to believe IUI number 4 will be our ticket, just as he believed for number 3.  I’m weak, but he is strong.  I know IVF is likely our next step and will be recommended to us (if I don’t run out crying first) , but my sweet husband still has the innocence to believe in miracles and that makes all the difference.

 

 

 

Advertisements

10 responses to this post.

  1. If it were egg quality issues, wouldn’t your AMH and/or FSH have indicated a problem back in April? I really hope things go well for you guys tomorrow. I know all too well the “on the verge of tears” feeling sitting in that RE office, not hearing what you want to be hearing. Glad the hubby will be with you. I’ll be thinking of you. Try not to lose hope, my dear.

    Reply

    • I think the AMH and FSH only measure egg quantity, not egg quality. The idea is that if you have a reasonable number of eggs, at least some of them should be good. They can’t really measure quality until they extract the eggs.

      Thanks for your support!

      Reply

  2. I haven’t had one of those appointments (yet), but I can imagine. I hope your concerns are addressed. Thank goodness for optimistic husbands! I would have fallen down a deep, dark hole a long time ago without mine.

    Reply

  3. WTF apPointments hurt. I would go into them an emotional mess because I knew nothing was going to change, I would be the one offering ideas and suggestions. Hah just thinking about it gets me upset.

    Have you had the immunological tests done? Just seems with post of us “unexplained” we have immune related issues that can be easy to fix.

    IVF is not always the answer. It works but not alwys first go and it many can afford repeated attempts.

    Good luck will be thinking of you x

    Reply

  4. I really hope your WTF appointment goes better than you are expecting. Hopefully having your husband there will help you keep it together and able to ask all the questions you need to. Good luck!!

    Reply

  5. Good luck with your WTF appointment – hope it will go better than you imagine!

    Reply

  6. […] No tears.  No running out the door crying.  It’s funny–the first part of the conversation was almost exactly word-for-word what I thought it would be.  The bottom line is that Mr. RE says […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: