Keeping the Tradition

flame2015

I was out late tonight and by late I mean 8PM. I was tired, anxious, and more than ready to go to bed. I wasn’t going to write this post, this same post that I’ve been writing for the past three years.

However, when I dug out these candles and lit them in honor of my lost babies, I instantly felt soothed. My lost babies. I said it. Not my lost embryo or my lost product of conception, but my babies. Lost early, but a part of me forever.

For the first time, I can light these candles and not lose myself by the sheer weight of the sadness they represent. I can acknowledge and honor my babies, knowing they were real and that they mattered and still do. I am honoring their memories and it feels right and it feels okay.

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4 responses to this post.

  1. What a beautiful post. You put into words feelings I’ve never been able to articulate myself. Thinking of you and your babies today.

    Reply

  2. I just spent my entire morning reading every post of your blog. I was lead here while googling the 1 millionth page of “spotting while on Letrozole”. We’ve been TTC for two years, with one m/c at 7.5 weeks in Sept of 2015. Coincidently, you are clearly a fellow South Carolinian…which is just bizarre, in a good way. I was quickly gripped by your words when I found that it felt like you had extracted every thought I’ve had for the last 2 years and put it into a blog (sick humor, sarcasm and all). Although I’m one that is left behind in the trenches of infertility, your authentic compassion for us even now that you are a mother was immediately evident. Thank you for writing this all down. Because of you, my Infertility Monster seems a little less scary today.

    Reply

    • Thank you so much! It means so much to me that you read my posts, especially all of them–wow! Just knowing that there’s someone out there who has felt these things in this way is an incredible feeling. And the fact that we are from the same place is amazing!

      Do you have a blog or another way I can keep in touch with you? I am hoping and praying for you!

      Reply

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