Posts Tagged ‘baby showers’

Baby Registry Items Run Amok

A post or two ago, I wrote about receiving an invitation to a baby shower in honor of a co-worker and his wife.  Well, the shower was today and no, of course, I did not go.  I actually had forgotten about it until another co-worker asked me if I would be attending as I was walking out to leave for the day.  I was grateful for the reminder though because I knew I’d have to run for my infertile life as I knew the co-worker and his very pregnant wife would be rounding the corner at a moment’s notice.  Lucky for me, I heard his big mouth down the hall and was able to make it out the door before I had to pretend to be happy for their ability to conceive effortlessly on their wedding night.

Anyway, baby showers remind me of some of the ridiculous baby items I’ve found on friends’ registries or stumbled over on the internet.  They range from the very impractical  to the ridiculously silly to the just plain wrong.  Let’s start with the useless:

1.    BabyGanics Foaming Dish Soap

For $6 bucks, you can rest assured that your tot’s sippy cups will not only be fragrance-free, but free of residue as well.  And get this–it’s NON-TOXIC.  Perfect!  So when my 5 ft. tall infant is washing his hands in the sink, he can swallow a globful of this without me having to call Poison Control!  Terrific!  BabyGanics’s superior ability to create something as innovative and original as non-toxic soap should be commended.

2. BabyGanics Lavender Scrub-A-Dub-Tile Cleaner

This safe, effective, “natural” tile cleaner will make baby’s tub sparkle (kinda like the toilet does before it’s pooped in).  And, wait for the best part– it’s lavender-scented!. . .  But natural. 

 Yeah, I got something else that works for the tub.  It’s called water and it’s free.

3. Babies R’ Us Wipe Warmer with Light

Why do people keep putting this on their lists?  Ok, I know wipes are cold and everything but will Child Care Services really pay me a visit if my child’s bottom is cold?   Did some guy really get paid for inventing this?   Guess what? I have an idea for my own patent.  Let’s call it, let’s see. . .wiping a warm wash rag over your baby’s butt  first, ya dumb-ass.  Don’t worry, I won’t charge you $26.99 for using it.

Now for the bizarre. . .

4. Zaky Infant Pillow

Besides mimicking the appearance of the Incredible Hulk (not to mention pedophiles), this hand pillow promises to imitate the touch and feel of your (unbeknownst to you), scaly icky skin.  Creepy, just creepy.

5. Baby Bangs

Who says your baby isn’t beautiful when she pops out from down under?  The maker of Baby Bangs, that’s who!  Guess it’s never too early to prime your princess for the world of plastic surgery, tanning beds, and bling-bling.

and finally. . .the just plain wrong

6. The Dream Genii Pregnancy and Nursing Pillow

It, uh, gives back support and “puts less strain” on you.  Yeah, I’d say so.  Wonder if it was the pillow that got her pregnant. Yep, she’s going to sleep well tonight!

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You Are Invited! (No Thanks,You Clueless Fertile!!)

Lately, I’ve been putting my hand in the proverbial Facebook cookie jar.  I am empowered.

I know FB is full of crappy insensitive posts.   I scroll through and see the same garbage and my reaction is “So F-ing what!” 

As infertility continues to dominate my life, I’ve learned how to anticipate the ways of social media and some social interactions as well.  See an old acquaintance in a store who you know is going to ask “Are You pregnant yet (moron)?  Duck down another aisle!   Got a “friend” who is always going on about her adorable tow-headed tot?  Start an intense game of Angry Birds on your phone while she babbles away!

Yep, I’ve toughened myself up these last couple of days.

Then, why did my day go straight to hell when I opened this email at work?:

As I checked my work emails, I got this one from a co-worker that said “You are invited.”   I innocently thought that someone was sending me an invitation to yet another jewelry/purse/cookware party.  But no, I get this glaring, loud, in-your face  reminder about what I don’t have. 

Besides the obvious reasons, this email sucked for three additional reasons.

1)  I have always wanted a little girl.  I dream about her always and wonder if I will ever get the chance to be her mother.

2) Work is a place I can go to get away from obsessing over RE visits, time, and finances (well, I try).  When I open an email, I expect it to be work-related.  If you’re going to drop a bomb like this, at least have the courtesy to warn me in the damn subject line.

3) The shower is for a guy (his wife works someplace else), who I will call Sir You’re So Vain.  Sir You’re So Vain and his wife, from my calculations, literally got married, got pregnant the same month and are delivering a baby precisely 9 months later.   A girl.  That would suck on its own but Sir You’re So Vain, for lack of better terms, is an ass.

Despite prepping myself to be a savvy, yet tough social media user, I fell apart after I opened this email.  Maybe it’s the fact that I want a little girl, maybe it was the colorful graphics and pink lettering, or maybe it’s hormonal.

After I called my husband who convinced me to postpone my huge, down-and-out monthly meltdown (which isn’t necessarily associated with PMS), I felt better.  I was sad, but then I got angry.  I get it.  I know that it is perfectly acceptable to send non-related work emails to your colleagues at your job.   I know that it is trendy and cute to have a baby shower and invite everyone you know  I know that others do not know about my personal situation.  I just wish, for the sake of all that is holy, that people would just think about their actions before they do them.  At work, there is at least one other infertile who is very open about her condition.  Wonder how she felt when she opened that email?

ATTENTION EASY FERTILES:  SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!

GRRRRR!   Just GRRRR!