Posts Tagged ‘hope’

Thoughts on ICLW

I just participated in and completed my first ICLW.  I had seen the badges all over  blogs and finally decided to sign-up to see what all the fuss was about.  Plus, I got my own rocking badge, so it was worth it.   At first it was a little difficult to comment on at least five different blogs, not because I didn’t want to, but because the task seemed overwhelming, particularly after a day of working.  The reply task seemed easy enough though, if I had comments to reply to.

I ended up leaving comments on blogs that I was familiar with, not necessarily on the list, and quite a few that were on the list.  Here are a few things I took away from the experience:

1)  Blogspot sure does have a lot of technical issues (maybe the site should be renamed NotBlogspot or Non-Blogger),

2) Quite a few of you are now prepping for the grandaddy of all fertility treatments, the IVF.

3) Many of you are able to stay optimistic despite the lemons infertility has handed you.  (You guys are an inspiration for all of us).

4) A lot of you have found the ability to express the feelings of  loss so beautifully and poetically, you could have a career in writing.

and finally. . .

5) We all have hope.

I met many new women during this experience.  Some who had been TTCing for quite a while, some visiting the RE for the first time, and others who had loved and lost.  Even through the tears and agitation and “funks”, I could read between the lines to discover that these women still have hope. 

It’s been posted on various blogs, but here is the poem by Emily Dickinson, once again:

Hope is the Thing With Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Whether you are into poetry or not, these words will move you.  How many of us have had hope in our hearts?  Sometimes, that hope might be more obvious, bursting in our souls, but most of the time I believe it is silent, but significant.  I believe it’s the glimmer of hope that propels us forward.  Our circumstances might seem dire, but hope has the ability to protect us from an uncertain world, without demanding something in return.

Just as the cranberry thread or bracelet is the unofficial official symbol of infertility, I think this should be the unofficial official poem of infertility.  It is short, sensational, and universal. 

Hope is what I took away from my first ICLW experience.  If you guys have hope, maybe I should too.  Thank you!

Thankful–7 reasons why

It is in my nature to have a somewhat (just a wee, wee bit) snarkish online presence.  I do this in order to avoid dealing with my “real feelings” as my imaginary therapist would put it. Or, maybe I’m just plain weird.  Who knows?  But. . . As the holiday weekend passes, I am reminded that I have tons to thank God for (not to mention being thankful for God himself).  In no particular order (cause intentional ordering would require a lot of planning on my part, and that’s not how I roll), here I go:

1. My husband

Ever have someone walk out of the pages of a storybook into your life?  What I did to deserve him, I’ll never know (I mean, what is he getting out of this deal?).  At the end of one of my worst days, he takes my hand and answers my neverending question: Will we have a baby? with a simple, reassuring Yes, we will. 

2.  My family

Here’s a secret about me:  I have won the lottery!  The family lottery!  I’ve been blessed with parents and siblings (and others) who love me for me.  I truly believe family is your first and most important treasure on this earth.  This reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books: “I think all of us are always five years old in the presence and absence of our parents.”  So very true.

3. My furbabies

Yes, I have three and they are my children now and will continue to be after the addition of human children.  Yes, my chihuahua is whining softly and pitifully at me as I type, trying to convince me she is starving and, yes, my other dog  just sprinkled my laptop with his urine, but I cannot picture my life without them.  Unconditional love, all the time.

4. My insurance

Let’s face it.  If I didn’t have the insurance (and job) I have now, there would be no “conceivable” way to pay for fertility treatments and medication.  Not a chance!  It’s funny–later you see how things have worked out for you in the long run, even when you thought things were hopeless earlier. 

 

 

5.  My friends

I have some.  They are awesome.  Even if they did conceive children at the drop of a hat!  I’m happy to say my best friend has really come through for me as I go through infertility.  I assumed that she would only offer condescending advice as others, have but she uttered two words for me that have made all the difference: “I’m sorry.”

6. My health

I am healthy and for the first time in a very long time, I feel good. Until two weeks ago, I came home from work, exhausted, got in bed with my dinner, watched a little TV and fell asleep.  Then, my sister-in-law convinced me to join a gym where various classes are offered each night.  Well, somehow I found the strength I never knew I had and joined. I mean, I have these tiny, cute muscles forming beside my knee caps!  I didn’t even know those existed! (not my knee caps–the muscles!!)

7. Hope

I used to say, “I don’t want hope.  I want a baby.”  Well, I found out the hard way that hope is always necessary and should never be wished away.  So, now I have it.  I want to hold on to it.  It’s the foundation of everything.