Posts Tagged ‘Ovarian reserve’

A Beautiful Uterus and Time to Obsess

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I’m a worrier–as you know from my last post. My worrying is by nature and by the circumstances of the last several months.

One of my most recent worries has been about the state of my uterus. It carried one baby for 7 weeks and carried something that should have been a baby for about 6.

Then, there were the D & C’s.

Two within 5 months.

So, I’ve spent the last couple of months imagining the worst–scarring, adhesions, and other bad things.

But that’s not the case, because my new RE performed a saline sonogram and called my uterus beautiful!

Cue the great, big sigh of relief!

After much consideration, and if all testing comes back normal, we will proceed with an October/November IVF. This is still months away and I am both excited and nervous. I have months to obsess and worry, and true to my character, I am already doing so.

Particularly with my ovarian reserve. In April of 2012, the level was 6.5. A little over a year later it is a whooping 12.8!  How could it rise so quickly?  Did I worry all my eggs out of me? I know that fertility starts to drop off in your mid-to-late 30’s but this is ridiculous! I almost feel like it has to be a clinical error. 12.8 isn’t catastrophic; it’s borderline. Still it concerns me. But, there is good news. . .

My antral follicle count was 14 which the nurse and IVF coordinator thought was excellent, especially for someone my age.  It’s one point from ideal, but the nurse said that there are a lot of 20-somethings who don’t even have a level like that.  When I brought up the high FSH, she tried to reassure me that the good antral follicle count was what mattered most.  I just hope she’s right because this is pretty much a one-shot deal for me.

Plus, I’m wearing myself out from googling the hell out of 12.8 FSH level.

I want to spend these next several weeks in peace; visualizing the best outcome. I’m just afraid that my negative thinking will start to creep in. I want this to work. I need this to work. I really feel like my mental state can affect the outcome.

When I look back over the last couple of months, I think about my husband, the doctors, my family. Even when things were going wrong, they all stayed so positive. I’m the one who fell apart and couldn’t pick myself back up. Even when we knew that pregnancy number two was a bust, my husband, who I know was suffering as well, kept saying to me, “Don’t worry; we’ll have our baby.” He still says it. Even the ob-gyn, who knew I had been trying for years and witnessed my losses said, “A bad egg came up this time, but it’s just a matter of time before a good one comes up.”

People like this amaze me. They’ve kept me holding on even when my world was falling apart. How do they do it? How can I be like that? Is it even possible?

 

 

 

 

The Party is Over (or is it?)

Two posts ago I was celebrating a break from TTC–no OPK’s, no scheduled sex, and most importantly no doctor visits.  Well, that break is officially over.

CD1 came about one week early and I am a bit surprised.  Not surprised that I’m not pregnant, but surprised at its super-early arrival.  With Femara, I have a 27-28 cycle.  Without it, I am about 25-26 days.  This cycle was only 21 days.  I guess it could have something to do with the progesterone and Follistim I took two cycles ago, but who knows?  Just something else to scratch my head over.

I had planned to go back to Mr. Re since I took a month off.  AF’s early arrival actually has made it easier (work-wise anyway) for me to do another IUI this month. 

But, like before, I am financially strapped.

I feel so bad.  I can’t even scrap together enough money for one IUI cycle with injectables.  Not if I want to have gas to drive to work, make a car payment, buy food, and pay a student loan.

But. . . I am the teensiest bit happy, because this means I get to take another BREAK!!!

I won’t be going on a fabulous vacation, taking up any new hobbies, or partying like it’s 1999.  I will just be trying to be me.  I will be trying to find the me that I used to be.

However. . .and there is always a however. . . I will be getting bloodwork done Friday.  For whatever reason, I have not had my FSH or AMH tested (in case you don’t know, these tests measure your ovarian reserve).  Of course, I have asked my RE before why I have never been tested and he says it is because the results don’t really change the treatment.  I guess I see his point, but if my only path to pregnancy is IVF, I don’t want to waste any more time or money on IUI’s or other less effective treatments.

So I have persisted, and he has agreed to run the tests.  I am scared though.  Maybe I am opening Pandora’s box and don’t want to know the results.  Maybe I have been kept in the dark for a reason.   

At least I will get the results on Friday for the FSH and Estradiol (the AMH takes 10 days).  I could really use some good news.