Posts Tagged ‘Facebook status updates’

5 Facebook Statuses You’ll Probably Never Post But Should

All is quiet on the Facebook front.  I am frightened.

No dropping of the P-bomb, no in-your-face ultrasounds, and no little pictures of developing fetuses via the Baby Gaga app.

Maybe I’ve hidden all the holier-than-thou fertiles.  Maybe they are busy making other babies.  Maybe they have decided to do the world a favor and have themselves sterilized.

No, I am frightened because I know what this means.  It’s going to start raining soon.  Pouring more like it.  I will soon be avalanched by a mountain of pregnancy announcement statuses.  Yes, I can hide them and delete them, but why should I go stand in a corner?  I am a firm believer that the best offense is a good defense.  If fertiles are free to boast about their baby-making abilities and their superior mommy skills why can’t I brag about my infertility?  Here are a few pre-made status updates to counter the dreaded Facebook pregnancy announcement:

Status #1 (Everybody loves to take a trip down memory lane):

“On this day one year ago, my RE blessed me with the gift of unexplained infertility.  My heart beams with pride as I realize only one in eight women receive this honor.  I now have the privilege to re-evaluate all my goals I’ve ever had in my life.  I look forward to what the coming year may bring for us.”


Status #2 (Who says ultrasound pictures have to contain babies?)

“My ovarian cyst has now grown to 2 cm.  This is about the size of a small grape and has more than doubled in size since last month.  As the cyst grows, more cancelled IUI sessions are sure to follow.”



Status # 3 (When you feel left out of the whole announcement thing. . .)

“It’s been a long day at the doctor’s office.  After a year and a half of medications, shots, ultrasounds, and other medical interventions, my husband and I just have to announce. . . No, we’re still not pregnant.”


Status #4 (When you want to get a little laugh out of your friends. . .)

“Took little Abby to get her boosters today.  Mommy’s brave little girl!  Then, Kyle got sick and puked all over my Manolo Blahnik’s.  I hope soon baby to be #3 is just like them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .JK!!  I can’t have babies.  I’m infertile, remember?”



Status #5 (And. . .my personal fave to all you smug fertiles out there.)

“Like” my status for a big ‘ole F * * * You!

That about sums it up!