All is quiet on the Facebook front. I am frightened.
No dropping of the P-bomb, no in-your-face ultrasounds, and no little pictures of developing fetuses via the Baby Gaga app.
Maybe I’ve hidden all the holier-than-thou fertiles. Maybe they are busy making other babies. Maybe they have decided to do the world a favor and have themselves sterilized.
No, I am frightened because I know what this means. It’s going to start raining soon. Pouring more like it. I will soon be avalanched by a mountain of pregnancy announcement statuses. Yes, I can hide them and delete them, but why should I go stand in a corner? I am a firm believer that the best offense is a good defense. If fertiles are free to boast about their baby-making abilities and their superior mommy skills why can’t I brag about my infertility? Here are a few pre-made status updates to counter the dreaded Facebook pregnancy announcement:
Status #1 (Everybody loves to take a trip down memory lane):
“On this day one year ago, my RE blessed me with the gift of unexplained infertility. My heart beams with pride as I realize only one in eight women receive this honor. I now have the privilege to re-evaluate all my goals I’ve ever had in my life. I look forward to what the coming year may bring for us.”
Status #2 (Who says ultrasound pictures have to contain babies?)
“My ovarian cyst has now grown to 2 cm. This is about the size of a small grape and has more than doubled in size since last month. As the cyst grows, more cancelled IUI sessions are sure to follow.”
Status # 3 (When you feel left out of the whole announcement thing. . .)
“It’s been a long day at the doctor’s office. After a year and a half of medications, shots, ultrasounds, and other medical interventions, my husband and I just have to announce. . . No, we’re still not pregnant.”
Status #4 (When you want to get a little laugh out of your friends. . .)
“Took little Abby to get her boosters today. Mommy’s brave little girl! Then, Kyle got sick and puked all over my Manolo Blahnik’s. I hope soon baby to be #3 is just like them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .JK!! I can’t have babies. I’m infertile, remember?”
Status #5 (And. . .my personal fave to all you smug fertiles out there.)
“Like” my status for a big ‘ole F * * * You!
That about sums it up!
TheStorkDiaries 