Celebrity Baby Names Run Amok

Jessica Simpson singing “God Bless America” to military families at the “Joining Forces with the Rockies: Celebrating Military Families” at Coors Field in Denver, on April 13, 2011. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s plastered all over the internet– Jessica Simpson has given birth to a son.  The baby’s name?  Maxwell Drew.  Oh, wait—it’s a girl!!!

Leave it to Jessica Simpson to need an instruction manual for naming a baby.  Oh, I’m sure she realizes she has a girl (at least I think she realizes it, but you never can tell) but I guess someone forgot to tell her that girl babies get girl names and boy babies get boy names.  Or at least gender neutral.

I am very surprised that such a girly-girl as Jessica would give her baby such a masculine name.   I mean, I know it’s a family name but couldn’t she have saved the name for, I don’t know, her future son?  Plus, this is the same chick whose major concern during pregnancy was whether her daughter would prefer athletic shoes over strappy heels!  Fertiles.  Gotta love ’em!

As misguided and confused as Jessica seems to be, she is not the worst offender when it comes to celebrity baby names.  Here are a few  bizarre and disturbing, unique names:

1. Pilot Inspektor, son of Jason Lee

According to Lee, who doesn’t seem to be hooked on phonics, Pilot is named after a song called, “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot.”  I guess Lee doesn’t have very high expectations for his son.   Somehow I see this kid making his dad’s life a living hell when he gets older.

2.  Fifi Trixibelle, daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

I don’t know, but I think I have a name for a new puppy!

3. Peaches Honeyblossom, another daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

Because nothing says love like being named after a fruit.

4. Mirabella Bunny, daughter of singer, Bryan Adams.

Cool first name, but kind of sets her up for a future gracing the cover of Penthouse magazine.

5. Bear Blu, child of Alicia Silverstone.

Interesting.  Wonder if her baby takes naps or merely hibernates?

6.  Audio Science, alien child  of Shannon Sossamon

WTF????!!!

7. Diva Thin Muffin, breakfast snack child of Frank Zappa

LOL.  Just LOL!

8. Tu Morrow, something of Rob Morrow

The sun’ll come out Tu Morrow, bet your bottom dollar that Tu Morrow, there’ll be sun. . .

9. Kyd Miller, kid of David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

It’s a safe bet that David and Tea won’t be scoring any points for creativity here.  Oh wait, they used the letter “y” in lieu of an “i”.  Brilliant, just brilliant.

10. Moxie Crimefighter, I-give-up of Penn Jillette

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s Moxie Crimefighter and he’s coming to a town near you!

Of course this is just a short list of crazy celebrity baby names!  Rest assured, though.  There are celebrities who actually name their child normally.  Case in point, Freddie Prinze, Jr., and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Charlotte Rose.

And there’s also. . . oh, wait there aren’t anymore.

But, why should we worry about these children?  These kids are set for life.  If they don’t like their name, they can always buy a new one.  Or maybe their childhood experiences of being bullied will be great fodder for a tell-all book blasting their parents for letting trendiness get in the way of common sense.

Oops. . . I Posed Nude While Pregnant Again

Image via Wikipedia

Let’s face it–the media is both obsessed and saturated with pregnant celebrities.  Celebrities don’t have large stomachs, they have “baby bumps”.  They don’t name their children something reasonable such as Emily or Joshua, they name them Kiwi, Apple, Banana, or Moxie Crimefighter.  These actions I can deal with.  But why in the name of Penthouse and Hustler, do they have to drop their clothes?

Jessica Simpson is the latest pregnant celebrity to become a soft porn star bare all for a magazine spread.  Of course she is preceded by Britney Spears and the lady who started it all, Demi Moore.  Don’t get me wrong; I know beauty, or rather art, is in the eye of the beholder.  I know that pregnancy and maybe even a pregnant body is beautiful in its own way, but come on!  Did you check out these pictures? 

I know that some feel that pregnancy is glamourous but does it have to be sexualized for the whole world to see?  I’m sorry, but it looks like Jessica Simpson is having an orgasm in the first picture.  The placement and position of her fiance’s head tells the same story.  I suppose the second pic is supposed to tease us:  “Oh, I wonder what’s underneath her hands?  No, no, don’t tell me!  Her breasts and vagina?  Absolutely no freaking way!  Elle magazine, you amaze me!”

I know the media wants to shock us but I have to wonder what pictures like these mean for the infertiles of the world.  In essence, absolutely nothing, but it is hard to erase the image of the smug celebrity stroking her stomach in ecstasy as she announces her fertility to the world.   It’s not enough for me to know that she is pregnant.  I have to see her nude as well.  Did she think I didn’t believe her when her clothes were on or something?  I get it–you’re pregnant.  Shut up, cover up and get over yourself.  Save the nudes for, I don’t know, your husband??